


The Night Lords and the Daleks

by MA7



Category: Doctor Who, Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Crossover, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:04:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9892592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MA7/pseuds/MA7





	

The Night Lords and the Daleks

By: MA7

Tzeentch was mad. Not mad as in angry. Not mad as in a little bit quirky. Mad as in absolutely out of his fucking mind. Completely and totally batshit. He was the sort of person who would burn down his own house for fun even while he was inside it. The sort of lunatic who would stab himself in the eyeball on a whim. Just a complete and total maniac!

Everyone told him he was mad, he was famous for it. His 3 brothers especially said that he was the greatest lunatic in the entire universe.

He was not the harmless kind of mentally ill person either, Tzeentch was the most dangerous kind of madman, the insane genius kind. Tzeentch was the sort of lunatic who was smart enough to build a bomb to blow up the world and crazy enough to detonate it whilst sitting on top of said bomb. He was THAT sort of mad.

Tzeentch was the LAST person who should ever be in a position of power. But unfortunately for the multiverse he inhabited, Tzeentch was a GOD!

Not just thought himself a god the way that most lunatics do, but an ACTUAL god ruling an ACTUAL multiverse complete with all the powers that his divinity granted him!

Tzeentch could kill a billion innocent people just for fun on a whim, and he did. Tzeentch could cause human mothers to give birth to giant spiders just to hear them scream and he did. Tzeentch could order even his own worshippers to kill each other for no sane reason at all and he did!

Whether blowing up stars and planets, starting wars that killed trillions, turning thriving civilisations into utter anarchy, or just causing people to fart at inappropriate moments, Tzeentch could do it all!

At least he could if it wasn’t for his 3 blasted brother gods!

Tzeetch’s brothers were forever interfering with his fun! Forever calling him mad and putting a stop to his antics! If Tzeentch was more mentally balanced then he would hate his brothers, but he was far too mad even for that! Tzeentch was entirely unpredictable, in fact he was SO unpredictable that the only predictable thing about him was that he would not be predictable!

Nurgle of course was the worst of his brothers, the responsible one. He even had a wife of all things! Just a boring stagnant sensible god of the sick and despairing! Nurgle consistently opposed Tzeentch’s mad antics, wanting the mortals to live peaceful lives, lives of contentment! Every time Tzeentch tried to drive a planetary population to madness and anarchy, blasted Nurgle would step in to calm everyone down and dash the mad hopes!

Khorne was little better, a macho, beligerant, angry war god, with foolish ideas about honour and fighting fairly. Khorne was forever beating up Tzeentch for violating every ideal that Khorne believed in, completely on a whim, without even having a REASON to fight dirty or dishonourably! At least on occasion Khorne and Tzeentch worked together, after all Khorne was a god of war and Tzeentch stirred up war and chaos everywhere he went!

Slaanesh at least was different from the other two! Slaanesh was the pervert, the kinky one, the irresponsible one. In his own way Slaanesh was mad too, mad with lust! Slaanesh was the lust god and desired nothing more than to turn the entire universe into a wild orgy where absolutely anything goes, with no act too vile or evil, nothing taboo or illegal, just complete lust fuelled madness! Of all of his brothers, Tzeentch had the most reason to form an alliance with Slaanesh, but as always, Tzeentch was just too fucking mad even to further his own interests! Slaanesh was (usually) willing to work together with Tzeentch, but Tzeentch would inevitably betray Slaanesh just for the fun of it!

Tzeentch was the god of hope. Not hope as in the nice kind of hope, hope as in the MAD kind of hope! In 20th century earth the Nazis HOPED to conquer the world, and their leader HOPED to exterminate an entire race of people! Throughout history political fringe lunatics and extremists HOPE to change all sorts of things in crazy insane ways! Every serial killer, suicide bomber, rebel extremist, religious nutter, anarchist, arsonist and every throthing madman in a lunatic asylum, all of these people FEVERISHLY HOPE. Tzeentch was the god of THIS sort of hope. He fully embodied irresponsible mad change, change for the sake of change, change for no reason at all, utter unpredictable madness! 

Tzeentch was an insane genius, an eternal schemer, forever planning convoluted plans and forever changing these convoluted plans. Tzeentch was not quite omniscient, but he was certainly close. He is for instance perfectly aware of you reading this sentence and is thinking up a convoluted way of ruining your life! 

Like all "proper" gods, Tzeentch was omnipresent or at least close enough. He was at this very moment spread out in an extremely large area of a large number of different dimensions in his multiverse. Tzeentch's multiverse that he shared with his brothers was a hilarious place!

The mortals were wailing in abject misery as he inflicted his mad whims on them! It was so funny! He laughed with mad joy as a starving widow ate her own children in desperation! He danced with joy as a species of green skinned sentient amphibians engaged in ethnic cleansing! Ethnic cleansing always entertained Tzeentch, it was just so funny to him!

Quick as lightning Tzeentch decided that his material universe didn't have enough ethnic cleansing, he wanted MORE! If Tzeentch was capable of feeling disappointed then he would be feeling it right now... His universe was already engaged in galaxy spanning xenophobic race wars! Right at this very moment about a trillion sentient life forms were being killed every second in pointless xenophobia!

Tzeentch put a small but significant fraction of his godly intellect to the problem of making even more highly entertaining xenophobia happen in his universe. A nanosecond later he had the answer and subtly caused an extremely unlikely macro scale quantum fluctuation to occur in the substance that separates distant multiverse clusters. Tzeentch then enjoyed the show.

***

The Dalek battle cruiser commander was angry, but this was not at all unusual. He was ALWAYS angry! As long as so much as a single microbe of non-Dalek life existed in any and all universes, the Dalek would be absolutely FURIOUS!

Filthy! Inferior! VERMIN! They MUST be EXTERMINATED! Annihilated! EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!!! DIE INFERIORS! ALL OF THEM MUST DIE!!!!

Around the Dalek battle cruiser Commander were his crew of Dalek subordinates, all of them equally angry about the mere existence of all other life forms. The Daleks alone were pure, they alone were SUPERIOR!

Angrily the Daleks performed their various duties, the battle cruiser was preparing for a standard space time jump as part of the latest strategy to defeat the hated Movellan battle fleet. 

The Dalek-Movellan war had been going on for centuries, and so far not a single shot had been fired in that entire time! It was infuriating!

Every time the Dalek fleet attempted a strategy, it was instantly anticipated and countered by the Movellans. The Daleks would then pull their ships back to avoid a trap and the Movellans would attempt a strategy of their own. The Daleks would instantly anticipate the Movellans strategy, set a trap for them and the Movellans would pull back. 

This move and counter move had been going on for centuries! It was a logical impasse!

The Daleks didn't care! The Daleks would NEVER back down from inferiors! The Daleks would fight until the end of time! 

The Dalek battle cruiser commander ordered, "engage space time jump!"

"I obey", said the Daleks at the control panel.

The battle cruiser was superior Dalek technology, the best in the universe! It performed flawlessly every time. The battle cruiser engaged it's drive and vanished from space. 

The Dalek battle cruiser Commander waited angrily for the ship to arrive at it's target and annihilate the hated Movellans. 

Suddenly alarms shrieked throughout the bridge and the Commander angrily asked, "what is happening? EXPLAIN!"

"Time vortex macro quantum fluctuations. We are trapped in a vortex corridor." Replied the temporal navigation Dalek.

"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!" Screamed the Dalek battle cruiser Commander.

"It is artificial in origin, deliberately targeting us", explained the temporal navigation Dalek.

The Dalek battle cruiser Commander raged. This must be the work of the Movellans! He trembled with rage inside his Mark III travel machine!

***

The Daleks were even more angry than usual when they were finally able to reenter normal space time. 

"WHERE ARE WE?" Shouted the Dalek battle cruiser Commander at the Dalek navigator 

"Unknown" answered the navigator 

This answer did not help the already bad temper of the Dalek Commander and he angrily shouted for the navigator to find out!

This was interfering with the Dalek plans! How could they follow their orders if plans failed! We are superior! We cannot fail! Our plans cannot fail! If our plans fail then we fail! WE CANNOT FAIL!

The Dalek Commander quickly got lost in a screaming fit of rage! The Dalek psychology did not cope well with frustration or failure, only inferior beings needed psychologies equipped to deal with things not going to plan! Dalek plans were perfect and superior and could not fail! But the plan HAD failed!

This chain of thoughts formed a vicious cycle, making the Dalek commander more and more irritated until he was screaming with rage! He was considering shooting at the walls just to vent his hatred when the navigator Dalek turned to face him.

"We are in an uncharted parallel multiverse. The star systems are similar to our own universe. Temporal location unknown, position the same as last point in our universe", the navigator Dalek reported.

The Dalek Commander moved to the navigator station and downloaded the entire data stack and rapidly read it. He then screamed with rage!

They were trapped inside this universe! Forever cut off from the Dalek race! The Dalek Commander disseminated this data to the rest of the Dalek crew and they also shouted with rage!

For a long time the battle cruiser was filled with raging Daleks rolling through the ship at random having a hissy fit of frustrated hatred! None of them were what humans would call mentally balanced. Every Dalek secretly felt inadequate with a crippling inferiority complex. And every Dalek compensated for this by having an even bigger SUPERIORITY complex!

The Dalek believed that they wanted to exterminate all other life because all other life was inferior. In actual fact it was more accurate to say that because every Dalek FELT inferior, they wanted to exterminate all other life so that nothing else could EVER be superior to them! It was absolutely pathetic.

Every Dalek was a pathetic little creature, encased forever in a metal box, raging against the universe outside to make himself feel better about his own pathetic self. 

After a while the Dalek Commander composed himself and thought about the situation. They couldn't fulfil their orders to destroy the Movellans, that was true. But they COULD fall back to the core Dalek protocol of exterminating all non-Dalek life in existence!

The Dalek Commander shouted into the ship's PA system to the crew, "We are the DALEKS! We are the rulers of all existence! This universe has never known the Dalek race, this universe has yet to be exterminated! We are the Daleks! We are the rulers of this universe! We will exterminate all inferiors in this universe! We will reign supreme! We must exterminate and destroy all life in the universe!"

The ship rang out with encouraged Daleks chanting "WE ARE THE DALEKS" and "WE WILL BE THE RULERS OF THE UNIVERSE!" Most of all the Daleks were chanting their battle cry of "EXTERMINATE!!!"

The Daleks marched through the ship shouting chants. Every time Daleks encountered each other they shouted propaganda at each other and joined together. Soon all Daleks on board had rallied together in a massive patriotic gathering, encouraging each other that they were superior and feeding each other's out of control egos. 

These sorts of mass gatherings were the closest a Dalek ever got to feeling truly happy, a time when they had a shouting mass of fellow Daleks making them feel that they were indeed superior.

***

While this collective Dalek lunacy was going on the small Chaos Space Marine fleet looked at the Unknown battle cruiser anxiously. It had very suddenly appeared out of nowhere and had just sat there ever since.

Chaos Lord Luke Sevenson of a small Night Lord's warband looked at the strange ship. It was obviously not an imperial design.

Luke looked at his pet gamma level psyker, TigerLily Smith, and asked, "who are they?"

A seductive female psychic voice spoke in his mind and answered, "They are xenos my beloved, I am not familiar with their species"

"What are their intentions?" Luke asked curiously.

"Hard to say, they currently appear to be moving around their ship at random having a collective hissy fit. I don't know, they are xenos, maybe this is just how they normally behave. At any rate they are extremely heavily armed and I would recommend keeping our distance from them." TigerLily purred into his mind.

"Shit, they are going to slow down the operation", Luke said angrily.

Luke ordered his fleet to keep well clear of the xenos vessel and the fleet then returned to their slaving mission. 

Luke Sevenson was currently sitting on the command throne of his personal flagship, a captured Dauntless class light cruiser renamed the "Orphan Blender". Flanking the Orphan Blender were two Hellbringer class light cruisers, "the Mandy" and the "Touch of Slavery".

Right at this very moment these three ships were in the process of capturing slaves from a small Imperial world, a mining and farming colony on a habitable moon of a gas giant. Drop ships and shuttles were right at this moment touching down on the planet and disgorging small armies of heavily armed chaos militia soldiers to gather slaves.

Things had been going really well when this fucking alien battle cruiser just suddenly appeared out of nowhere! The chaos fleet had just about shitted themselves in shock!

So far this xenos vessel had not done anything at all so the chaos fleet did nothing to provoke it out of it's inaction. Hopefully it would remain inactive until the operation was complete.

Luke looked at the continual inactivity of the battle cruiser and relaxed slightly. Maybe just another race of eccentric alien weirdos. 

The galaxy was a big and largely uncharted place, and huge areas of it were littered with tiny little alien civilisations. Some were hostile, a few were friendly, and others... Well others were just weird.

There were some complete and total nutters out there, like the species whose entire culture centred around eating each other's poo! Or there were the weirdo species that had no concept of personal space! By chaos, they were awkward to have diplomatic relations with, always right in your face! 

He was certainly not letting his guard down but he was able to relax.

30 minutes later the first of the shuttles and landers were returning heavily laden with slaves when TigerLily urgently got his attention.

"They are starting to rally out of their hissy fit, they are displaying very powerful emotions. Wait, yes as I feared, they are hostile! Yes there is a lot of rage in their minds!" TigerLily told him.

"What are they thinking?" Luke asked urgently 

"I don't know their language. I can certainly hear what they are thinking but it is not in a language I understand. The only thing I can read with some certainty is their emotions and they are full of hate and rage", she replied.

"Fuck! Bridge crew, call everyone back! We are getting the fuck out of here!" Luke shouted.

The bridge crew rushed to the Vox channels and ordered an immediate recall of all ground forces.

***

"Inferior life forms in sensor range! Commander 3 space craft are in orbit of the 5th moon of the nearby gas giant!" Shouted the Dalek bridge crew member

"Scan them!" The Dalek Commander ordered.

"I obey", replied the Dalek who had spoken.

"Hacking inferior computer system! Hacking successful! Downloading system database... Download complete! Running translation!" Shouted the Dalek triumphantly.

The Dalek Commander wirelessly connected to the Dalek battle cruiser computer core and downloaded the entire data package. 

He was a genius, superior, with a mind befitting his superiority. His superior Dalek mind easily processed the crude information. Thinking faster than the average super computer, the Dalek assimilated the language and information of the inferior life forms!

The Dalek Commander opened a communications channel directly to the bridge of the command ship and screamed through the video feed.

"Inferior life form leader Luke Sevenson, we are the Daleks! We are the rulers of the universe! You and all other inferior creatures will be exterminated!" 

The inferior leader looked at the equally inferior psychic TigerLily and then looked back at the Dalek and said, "oh great and terrible Dalek, you are indeed magnificent. You are superior to us in every way! We are so inferior! We are not even worth the ammunition of exterminating!"

The Dalek Commander flushed with satisfaction at these words and paused. He enjoyed being told that the Daleks were superior, all Daleks enjoyed the grovelling worship of inferiors. 

The inferior Luke spoke again, "You are the rulers of the universe, you are so mighty and so pure! You are the supreme beings, all hail the lords of the universe!"

The Dalek flushed with pleasure, his ego fed. Around the bridge the other Daleks murmured happily. It really was nice to be acknowledged!

The Dalek battle computer in the core of the battle cruiser flashed a warning: "he is stalling for time, attack immediately".

The Dalek Commander came to his senses and said, "you will be exterminated at once!"

He then cut off the communications feed and ordered an immediate attack.

***

Luke Sevenson laughed and thought at TigerLily, "wow you were right! These guys are fucking morons! It's a pity I couldn't buy more time."

TigerLily psychically chuckled in his mind.

The entire time he had been talking to the Dalek, TigerLily had been reading the creatures emotions and telling him what to say telepathically. The Dalek captain was a mass of insecurities with an ego the size of a planet TigerLily had told him.

"You bought us an extra minute at least. Every minute we buy lets more shuttles return." TigerLily reassured him.

The Dalek ship was hurtling towards them at astonishing speed, it's engine power was incredible! No human technology could match the power output readings of those engines, not even back during the fabled human dark age of technology before so much knowledge was lost!

The Dalek ship was still massively out of weapons range and would be impossible to hit accurately from this range even if they had such long range weaponry. To Luke's complete shock the Dalek battle cruiser was firing it's weapons!

A salvo of deadly energy beams hit the Hellbringer class cruiser Touch of Slavery with absolute accuracy even at this range and it visibly caught fire, with massive tongues of flame streaming out of the molten hull breaches!

"Fuck this! Jump to warp!" Luke commanded the fleet.

The remaining shuttles frantically raced to the hangars as warp rifts appeared in front of the 3 chaos ships! 

For 30 anxious seconds they waited for the warp rifts to open, and the Touch of Slavery teleported all important people on board over to the Orphan Blender. The Touch of Slavery was taking sustained fire from the Daleks and was rapidly losing structural integrity as it was reduced to molten slag!

Just before the warp rifts opened, the Touch of Slavery was already devoid of all life on board by the heat! The warp rifts opened and the three ships escaped gratefully to the parallel dimension of warp space.

The Orphan Blender harnessed the now sterilised remains of the Touch of Slavery with a magnetic harpoon and the tiny fleet limped it's way back to their home fleet at Beta Kappa Rwanda 5.

They were lucky to be alive!

***

The Daleks watched irritatedly as the cowards fled into a parallel dimension rather than face them. They were not surprised that the inferior life forms had fled but it was still irritating.

At present the Dalek battle cruiser was not equipped to enter the parallel universe the humans called "the Warp", and this fact also pissed the Daleks off. The Warp did not follow conventional laws of physics and would rip them apart unless they constructed something the humans called a "Gellar Field".

If the battle cruiser had been closer they would have shot the enemy flagship first, but at this extreme range they could not be sure of hitting it given the way it was angled towards them so that only it's small prow was facing them! The "Touch of Slavery" had been the easiest to hit so had been the most logical target.

The Daleks instead turned their attention to the inhabited moon of the gas giant. It was teeming with inferior life and had to be sterilised!

Shouting "EXTERMINATE!" The Daleks fired dense neutron beams at the moon's atmosphere, making the gasses radioactively unstable. They fired nonstop, sweeping the beam across as much of the atmosphere as possible. Within minutes the atmosphere was completely unbreathable and heavily radioactive!

The Daleks screamed in xenophobic triumph as the sensors showed 99.998 percent of life on the surface of the moon was dead! But they weren't done yet! As long as a single microbe remained they still had a job to do!

With shouts of "EXTERMINATE" the Daleks focused their attention on the oceans and rock strata, as well as on the shuttles that hadn't made it back to the human ships. Within hours the moon was a completely sterile radioactive rock, as it should be.


End file.
